I think about quitting. A lot.
A backstory of Lexie (MaiOnHigh)
I have been flying Drones since 2014 and FPV Drones since January 2015 (at the time of writing this blog post it makes it 7.5 years). During this time I set up my first YouTube channel that most of you know me from MaiOnHigh, quickly followed by an Instagram under the same name.
During this time I have had the pleasure to do many, amazing things and meet even more amazing people. I had a chance to help develop the sporting procedures of FAI, and even got some rules implemented into MultiGP racing series. I have worked with many, amazing companies, had a chance to do public speaking about FPV on many occasions at conferences, and had a pleasure to participate in the biggest FPV Drone events around the world. I have been awarded with some Drone Racing prizes and medals, followed by appreciation prizes such as Rotor Riot Medallion 2018, Women to watch in UAS 2017 and more. (Those are my favs though). I have recently moved to Australia after Airspeeder contacted me to be their pilot and consultant in engineering and sports rule-setting of the brand new sport.
This is probably how you know me (maybe not all of it, and that’s fine). As a Lexie from MaiOnHigh. You have seen my pictures and videos all over the place for the longest time (or maybe you are a new follower! Hi!).
And despite all of that… I am still being asked if I have even built my drone. Or being questioned by people, who have been flying way shorter than me. I am being asked for my onlyfans, even though I have never posted anything even remotely improper. I have created free courses for beginners, Learning materials, monthly calendar for training, and more, and yet the most interesting thing for some people is to ask me inappropriate questions and if I am married. For years I have been just ignoring it, making fun of it and answering with snarky comments. All of that for 7.5 years now. One may have thought that it’s been long enough.
Creating a podcast with OnigiriFPV was one of the things that kept me going. We are getting a lot of really nice feedback from people around and we do feel the love coming towards us! No hate, no issues. Sounds like a great place to be. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
The road downhill
A year ago I have developed something that I would like to call a “building block”. I have been asked so often if I even build my drones (despite having build video tutorials from 2017 (actually 2 - this one was better), and 2021.)… that I just didn’t want to build anymore. I was looking at the parts and thinking “I just don’t want to”. I gave the parts for my 3 racing drones to someone else to build and you know what? The thought of answering this question with:
No, I didn’t what will you do about it?
Has made me giggle out of excitement. Like a 4-year-old.
Because you know what? Many top pilots don’t do it either. But you wouldn’t ask them that because they are “a guy”. So they obviously do. Am I right?
In recent months, especially after joining Airspeeder, I have received a ton of nasty comments and messages. Things like:
They only took you in because you are a girl
You are a shitty pilot
Oh, another thing you can suck at
They just needed boobs
You don’t deserve any of this fame
You’d do better as a model
and other cliches you can imagine… many, many cliches sent by insecure guys, who are jealous of a woman doing better than them due to hard work, not just due to my gender. (Because I am unfortunately not thought of as “knowing my stuff” just because of my gender. Something I am pretty jealous of to be perfectly honest. I cannot imagine how it has to feel not to be questioned every time I say something or show up for an interview. Has to be amazing!). I mean… sure… I know those guys are just sad and frustrated. You do you, boo. It didn’t even hurt anymore. It just made me roll my eyes so hard, I was sure people can literally hear me doing it.
But recently the amount of those messages and other disrespectful stuff skyrocketed beyond anything I have ever seen before. (And that even before I started making the reels showing those messages in real life. Those actually got the numbers LOWER!). I have also been receiving threats again. Can you imagine being threatened because you fly drones and just share your love for it? (And yes, I said AGAIN.) As you may imagine, this is making me want to share my FPV, free educational content and all types of those things less and less…
I think it’s understandable. It’s not like I am getting praise for all of my hard work, I get a lot of hate. I am happy for those, who do feel like reaching out to say some nice words to me every once in a while. It makes it so, so much better. But as of recently - there’s less and less of that. People seem not to appreciate each other. The amount of stuff that goes wrong on FPV groups saddens me and the recent events where one team literally tries to claw the other one to death really crossed the line for me. We are supposed to be a COMMUNITY. This seems to be fading at an outrageous speed. Demanding more from creators for less support (in any way, I don’t even mean Patreon. And comments saying how much we as creators make on YT is just hilarious. Do you know how much I made last month on YT? 60EUR. Try to pay your bills with that. AAAANYWAY…)
People take good things for granted, people don’t appreciate things they are being given for free. I can understand that. There’s no price coming out of it. There are just perks. It’s fine.
But this has kept me less motivated to do a lot of this. And believe me or not - I am doing all of this myself. I spend my time, energy and money helping others with their FPV. And I am happy to do so. Not seeing much incentive coming out of this, while also seeing people who I helped personally before… going after the “noobs” on facebook groups - is pretty depressing.
I am happy for my Patreon community. Those people actually kept me going through the worst parts of it (AND STILL DO!). I made so many friends and I miss them so much now that I am in Australia. Which in the end is not helping the current situation.
I think about quitting… a lot.
I think it wouldn’t be an overstatement if I simply said:
“I AM TIRED OF THIS BS.”
Because I am.
I am thinking of quitting at least once a week. Looking at the drones on my wall collecting dust. The same drones that gave me so much happiness in life. The same drones are now giving me sadness and this odd feeling in my stomach. I don’t feel like flying and making videos. I became first and foremost a videographer and photographer, a teacher, and a supporter. I love doing this more than anything. I want to be a role model for girls, women, boys and men. This is what I see using drones for at this time. I do not see my future as an FPV pilot for much longer if this is how it’s going to look like. Not because I “suck” (in all means I bet I’ll get a couple of those comments anyway), but because I just have no will to grab them off the wall. I feel no rush nor excitement looking at them anymore. I am so, so tired of “why don’t we have more women in the hobby?”, and then ignoring what I have to say. (Maybe send this blog post in the comments under those types of posts.) I am tired of all of the “proving myself” that I need to do in front of people, who didn’t even know what’s a drone when I was developing sporting procedures for drone racing events that they now participate in. I am so done with the hate aimed at me for no other reason than my gender, and being a woman that is capable of doing things and speaking out when things go south.
And yes, you could say that as a “female in a male-dominated hobby I need to grow a thick skin”. and you know what? I really did, and I just cannot care less anymore. I don’t want to waste my time and energy dealing with any of this or blocking another person. Plus… I do not think anyone should HAVE TO develop a thick skin and prove themselves over and over again. It’s simply unproductive. Would you do it for 8 years straight? Probably proving yourself takes you like a month or two… not 8 years.
Just because we consider something as “it is what it is” DOES NOT MEAN that it’s NORMAL. In any shape or form. We should fight it, not allow it.
And maybe while reading this you think “oh, I don’t do that. I am not part of the problem.” But be serious now… Did you stop someone else from doing it? Did you react? Did you just scroll down ignoring the issue? Did you ever ask any female pilot something that you would never ask a male pilot? Or maybe you are commenting only if the female pilot is “hot enough”? I am not saying you are. I actually think 99% of our community is amazing. 1% ruins it for everyone though.
So is it the end of MaiOnHigh? NO!
I do see the future at Airspeeder and don’t plan to quit it. It is a brand new sport that will see no inequality. Presented from day one as a sport for everyone. I am happy to prove myself again and again. Training insane, helping to develop the sporting procedures, showing you behind the scenes and struggles that follow.
Also, I am not a quitter, and I have already overlived a lot of the haters and people who threatened me before. I am still around, while they are long gone from the scene. And some of them accused me of not loving fpv enough. I will probably be around longer than any of my current haters too. But sure, if you are a hater - we can bet on that.
I do not plan on quitting this part of my life, I treat it more as a level up of my career. I am excited to see it grow and succeed. I will put all of my will and power into making it happen. Showing that everything is possible. And I know what you want to say “Lexie, you are fierce and I wouldn’t think that you will be the one to give up and complain”. I’m not giving up in any shape or form. I just decided to make a mature and adult decision to cut off what is currently making me sad/mad/unproductive in my life.
I bet you know what I say a lot:
I can and I will, watch me
and
It’s not about saying what is possible, it’s about showing what is doable
Those are the things I still stand by and will follow. I may one day show you more of my FPV again, once I regain my full love for it again. Once I am left alone just to enjoy it without jealousy, anger coming from frustrated people (not only men!!), hate and judgement. Feel free to judge my Airspeeder skills now and watch me win the EXA series. Because I am absolutely not giving up.
I will continue to post videos about this journey on my YouTube, but I am thinking about quitting the FPV-related part of my life. It’s been too much for way too long. And I do not wish any of that to anyone.
So… What’s in for the future?
I think what I want to say is: I am stepping down to focus on another project. The one that I believe will give me more happiness and peace of mind. Where I will be able to give free education and my passion to the right and most importantly - willing people.
I will be posting one video a week on MaiOnHigh to show you what I am doing at Airspeeder, or answer your questions there regarding FPV-related stuff. But it will be there way less than it used to be I guess… And I will do the same on my Instagram.
I have been working on something else for so long and I have finally decided to move forward with it. In the next weeks - I will make a big announcement about it. And to be honest - I think you’ll love it.
I think that’s all I wanted to say. It’s food for thought not only about Women in FPV but for the entire community.
Everyone started somewhere, some just seem to forget where they have started.
Take care of your community, be helpful, if you have nothing nice to say - maybe just shut your mouth. If you have to be hateful - just go make love to yourself and go touch some grass.
